Make My List

Okay, So I was to be in the City, late morning according to my younger brother. Not a problem. I am having a real hard time with this. My older brother and I were close as I was growing up. We did alot of things together, and he shared alot with me that he probably did not share with my sister or my other brother.

Dad thinks that Wayne went into the hospital last night, and he left us just this morning. This was so that we would not just bombard him with it all at once. See, I do not live in the City so I do not see my parents often, but I do keep in contact. I knew that once my dad saw me there, along with my sister and my brother.... He would have known that something was wrong. Wayne wanted to be cremated, and something very very private. We were trying to call places to find out what is the next step to do, and what kind of paperwork (legalities), .. Oh yea, and how many copies of the death certificate will we need? And all that kind of stuff. Being that I was the initial contact person, guess who gets go to my brothers apartment, and go through things? Yepp, you guessed right! I do not know how I will be, the day that I go out there to even open the door to his apartment. I first have to go the Alameda County morgue, to pick up the keys to the apartment, and the keys to the car, and other personal property that the county brought with my brother.

I have to go and look for any 'Important' papers. such insurance policies, bank accounts, and to gather up whatever recurring payments that he had to make eg: power bills, telephone bills, etc. Oh my goodness... Am I really going to be able to do this? I have my kids that will help me, and I think and I have a friend, Ms Dilly, that has gone through something like this before. Yes, my sister suggested that someone not so directly involved maybe can make the initial entrance for me.

When we were at my dad's house, my dad pulled me aside, and told me that Wayne really loved me alot. I knew that! Dad knew that we were tight, even when we were younger. There are things that I did not realize that we talked about that he never shared with my sister, or my brother. Wow! Alot of things going on through my head right now. I just called the County Dept, and let them know what was the game plan, and I need to ask for the Property Technician, to let them know that there are arrangements being made. With this being the holiday weekend, nothing can be done until Tuesday.

I had a real hard time holding it together in front of my dad. I had to keep reminding myself that! Wow! I need to make a list of things, so I know what I need to be looking for. Goodness.. I better get to that task.... I know that I need to be more aware of what I need to look for. Can anyone think of things that I need to put on this list in a situation like this? I do not want to overlook anything that may be needed right away. !

PEACE!

Being Told First

I have been doing alot of thinking today. What a horrible feeling it is to be "Told First' about bad news. This has never happened to me, that I was being told about my brother's death, as if I were the 'next of kin'. I mean, I am in that catagory, but being that my brother never married, and no children, my parents are the legal next of kin for my brother. The Deputy did get a hold of my parents, he explained, but because my parents did not understand what he was trying to convey, due to language barrier, the deputy went down the list of my brothers' contacts, I was pretty close to the top of that list.

I can now understand the feeling for getting 'that' call from the police, that something has happened to one of their loved ones. First, of course there is that initial shock. I really did not know what to do, with that information. My younger brother and I have not ever been in this situation. My sister has gone through this before, when her first husband was hit and run by a car, my brother-in-law was on a bicycle.

We have also delayed in telling my Dad. It would be best that all of us were together to talk to Dad about it, and my sister said that she will be in on Friday. Will Dad take this ok? I mean, even at 89, you really do not expect to outlive your children, and that is one thing that he will be dealing with, and that it is his first born son. I mean, last year, Dad had a leg amputated, due to Diabetic problems. I think that he has accepted his physical thing ok, but how will this news effect him? I am glad that I got a hold of my younger brother, because he lives in the same house as my parents, and he knows best what the situation there as far as the attitudes, and things going on there.

I go through my younger brother to find out what really is happening at the house, because my parents will make it sound like things are ok, just that acceptance, and knowing what should be said, or done at a certain time. Things have been a little rough on my Mom with now. When I spoke with her the other day, she told me that the male nurse's contract had expired.

When I spoke with the deputy this afternoon, he explained to me what the proper procedures were, as far as acting upon this type of thing. Making sure that there is a release signed by my Dad, so that us siblngs can do anything. We could not even be the ones to have the mortition go and pick up the body. And since I was the one that is the 'contact person', I get to have the privilage to go to the morgue to pick up any property, knowing that the keys of his apartment, and the keys to garage, and the keys to my brother's car, and a couple of his credit cards, he said, just in case his apartment may get vandalized, even with the apartment 'sealed' up.

The officer already, as well, warned me what to expect when I enter his apartment. Oh my goodness, I do not know if I am quite ready for this, to be honest. First of all, I do not know Alameda, city or county for that matter. I do not think that either my brother or my sister, really wants to do this, but his apartment has to be cleared out as well. And of course, that matter has to be taken care of immediately, its not like any Landlord, would want one of their units 'sealed' up for too long. Yet, I have not talked to my sister, to see what her schedule is like, or my brother's. I am sure that these same thoughts are going through their heads.

So far, the buzz is that there may be a cremation, and a private service; since I have worked at a cemetary in the area, with the facilty to do cremation, I already explained that there is no cremation allowed in the city limits of San Francisco, I explained to my brother, that a funeral home can make the arrangements, and then send out the body to be cremated, and when the cremains return, then the service can be arranged. I think I still need to check that out, the laws may have changed; that there could be a crematory in the city limits. I hate this waiting because, well, my brother, they estimate, have been deceased for about 5 days as of today.

If any of you out there, that may be reading this and know anything about this kind of stuff, any little detail, that we may not know about, that would make things go alttle smoother, please let me know. I would really appreciate it. Already, I know that I have to contact the Social Security Office... what else could there be ?

PEACE!

Big Bro

Its a very cold and windy day today, but I knew that I had to go to the bank and just take care of some business. I got dressed, and walked down to the bank, and I realized that I did not bring my cell phone with me. I wasn't going to be gone long, so it really did not matter. I spoke with a personal banker, and got alot of issues cleared up. I am glad of that. Wanted to have things cleared up so the New Year can be all fresh.

When I got back, my son told me to sit down; I said, What ? Well he answered my cell phone and said .. that the Alameda County just called and said that your brother Wayne T has passed away. Anyways, I called my parents, no answer.. I called my other brother, got his voice mail... GREAT! What do I do? I called back the number that was last called on my phone.. and got a Deputy Gonzales, and he told me that I was the first to know about this, that they tried to call my parents, and they did not understand enough english to understand what he was trying to convey.

I have been calling my brother just to say 'hi', and told him that I love him, and well, beng that he was on Diialysis, I knew many times that he did feel good after his treatments, needless to say, on his answerng machine, I still at least let him know that I was thinking about him. I am sure glad that I have done that!

I got a hold of my younger brother, and he will call me back as to what we need to do at this point. The deputy told me that they will take him with them to the county morgue, and that we need to get a hold of a funeral home, oh boy, am i ready for this? I have never had to actually do any of this. I know that there is alot to do when there are arrangements that have to be made. At this moment, I wait for my lil brother to call back. My sister is in Hawaii, having a vacation.

I did not realize that it was like happening as I was talking to the deputy. It was the Dialysis people that called the police letting them know that my brother has neveer missed a treatment, and that he did not show up, so, he was actually at my brother's apt as I was talking to him. Goodness! They will seal up him apartment, and I will contact him later with more information.
PEACE!