Being Told First

I have been doing alot of thinking today. What a horrible feeling it is to be "Told First' about bad news. This has never happened to me, that I was being told about my brother's death, as if I were the 'next of kin'. I mean, I am in that catagory, but being that my brother never married, and no children, my parents are the legal next of kin for my brother. The Deputy did get a hold of my parents, he explained, but because my parents did not understand what he was trying to convey, due to language barrier, the deputy went down the list of my brothers' contacts, I was pretty close to the top of that list.

I can now understand the feeling for getting 'that' call from the police, that something has happened to one of their loved ones. First, of course there is that initial shock. I really did not know what to do, with that information. My younger brother and I have not ever been in this situation. My sister has gone through this before, when her first husband was hit and run by a car, my brother-in-law was on a bicycle.

We have also delayed in telling my Dad. It would be best that all of us were together to talk to Dad about it, and my sister said that she will be in on Friday. Will Dad take this ok? I mean, even at 89, you really do not expect to outlive your children, and that is one thing that he will be dealing with, and that it is his first born son. I mean, last year, Dad had a leg amputated, due to Diabetic problems. I think that he has accepted his physical thing ok, but how will this news effect him? I am glad that I got a hold of my younger brother, because he lives in the same house as my parents, and he knows best what the situation there as far as the attitudes, and things going on there.

I go through my younger brother to find out what really is happening at the house, because my parents will make it sound like things are ok, just that acceptance, and knowing what should be said, or done at a certain time. Things have been a little rough on my Mom with now. When I spoke with her the other day, she told me that the male nurse's contract had expired.

When I spoke with the deputy this afternoon, he explained to me what the proper procedures were, as far as acting upon this type of thing. Making sure that there is a release signed by my Dad, so that us siblngs can do anything. We could not even be the ones to have the mortition go and pick up the body. And since I was the one that is the 'contact person', I get to have the privilage to go to the morgue to pick up any property, knowing that the keys of his apartment, and the keys to garage, and the keys to my brother's car, and a couple of his credit cards, he said, just in case his apartment may get vandalized, even with the apartment 'sealed' up.

The officer already, as well, warned me what to expect when I enter his apartment. Oh my goodness, I do not know if I am quite ready for this, to be honest. First of all, I do not know Alameda, city or county for that matter. I do not think that either my brother or my sister, really wants to do this, but his apartment has to be cleared out as well. And of course, that matter has to be taken care of immediately, its not like any Landlord, would want one of their units 'sealed' up for too long. Yet, I have not talked to my sister, to see what her schedule is like, or my brother's. I am sure that these same thoughts are going through their heads.

So far, the buzz is that there may be a cremation, and a private service; since I have worked at a cemetary in the area, with the facilty to do cremation, I already explained that there is no cremation allowed in the city limits of San Francisco, I explained to my brother, that a funeral home can make the arrangements, and then send out the body to be cremated, and when the cremains return, then the service can be arranged. I think I still need to check that out, the laws may have changed; that there could be a crematory in the city limits. I hate this waiting because, well, my brother, they estimate, have been deceased for about 5 days as of today.

If any of you out there, that may be reading this and know anything about this kind of stuff, any little detail, that we may not know about, that would make things go alttle smoother, please let me know. I would really appreciate it. Already, I know that I have to contact the Social Security Office... what else could there be ?

PEACE!